After years of quietly working to grant the unfulfilled wishes of middle-aged men, the Middle-aged Male Make a Wish Foundation has shut its doors.
Fred Curnutte, the Foundation’s Director spoke to the Not Good Enough For The Onion on Monday. “As the only charity in the United States that focused on the unfulfilled wishes of middle-aged men, I thought we served an important function.” However, the charity was able to grant only a very small portion of the requests. Statistics show that 71% of middle-aged males’ unfulfilled wishes involve having sex with an ex-girlfriend or Megan Fox. The Foundation was simply unable to grant these wishes. As explained by Mr. Curnutte: “We just couldn’t fulfill the majority of the wishes—many of the high school girlfriends had moved on and Megan Fox just laughed at us. It was depressing, so we just want to end the program and move on.”