On Monday, the Baltimore Department of Tourism announced its newest tourism initiative, “David Simon’s Baltimore: The Murder Tour.”

As many will recall, Baltimore is the setting for two of the greatest shows to ever air on television: The Wire and Homicide: Life on the Street.  Written by Mr. Simon, both of these shows focus on Baltimore’s police department and the city’s gritty, drug and crime-ridden inner-city neighborhoods.

As explained by Quentin St. Hilaire, Baltimore’s Director of Tourism, the city has decided to leverage that fame into greater tourism dollars.  “We’re already one of the greatest tourist cities in America.  We’ve got Camden Yards, the Ravens, the Aquarium, Inner Harbor, and Edgar Allen Poe’s grave.  Now, we’re going to take the city to the next level with the Murder tour!  I’m so excited about the way that this tour will showcase Baltimore’s best features.  We’ll start at the dock and see the actual shipping container where the 13 Eastern European prostitutes were found dead in Season 2.  We’ll see the street corner where Wallace was murdered by his childhood friends Bodie and Poot.  We’ll see the streets of Hamsterdam where cracked-out zombies wander around.  We’ll end the tour at the vacants where Detective Freamon discovered all of the dead bodies in Season 4.  And there are too many murders to mention in between.  This tour has something for everyone and Baltimore is the star!”

The city is in negotiation with Idris Elba (Stringer Bell) and Felica Pearson (Snoop) to be the official spokespersons of the Murder Tour.

NGEFTO asked local soccer mom, Geneva Hall, if she will be taking her daughters on the David Simon’s Baltimore: The Murder Tour.  Ms. Hall responded: “Are you high?  I love The Wire and I like Baltimore, but that doesn’t mean this tour is a good idea.  Who would want to take their kids to see a shipping container where prostitutes were murdered or to Hamsterdam to see druggie zombies?  Or to go to some vacant house where a bunch of dead bodies were put inside the walls?  When the Halls go to Baltimore, we’re going to the Aquarium.”  Mr. St. Hilaire provided the following comment on this negative reaction: “While I respect her suburban values, clearly, she doesn’t see the big picture.”