The St. Louis crowd was with him, his game seemed on form, but in the end Tiger Woods left Hooters alone, unable to close the deal.

Formerly a prolific womanizer, on Sunday evening, Woods entered the St. Louis Hooters Restaurant having just finished second in the PGA championship.  Sensing that after a decade long slump Woods had regained his confidence, fellow patrons anticipated that he would have little difficulty picking up one of the restaurant’s waitresses as he so often did in his prime.  But Woods committed several missteps at critical moments and in the end, it was not to be.

NGEFTO has secured an exclusive interview with Brandi Jones, age 19, the Hooters’ waitress who was the object of Mr. Woods’ efforts.  Ms. Jones offered the following account: “Oh, it was close.  He’s a good-looking man.  And when he dropped that second-place check for $1 million dollars on the table and asked me if I had ever flown in a G6, don’t think I didn’t consider it!  But the whole thing just didn’t feel right.  Although I thought he was an athlete, I didn’t know who he was.  I was pretty sure that he was that boxer that I saw on ESPN’s 30 for 30 that owned a tiger and was married to Robin Givens.  And that guy beat his wife up so I was nervous.  When I told him that my Dad thought he was the best boxer ever—he didn’t like that.  Then he started trying to impress me by asking if I had seen him win this tournament or that tournament, and it turned out that I was in fourth grade the last time he won.  But the point where he lost me was when he started talking about winning the Masters in 1998.  That was a year before I was born!  Yuck!  When I realized he was older than my Dad, I told him that this wasn’t gonna happen and he got a little miffed.  I made the right call!”

Sir Nick Faldo, the only other golfer to have won five or more majors and to have his car attacked by a golf club wielding significant other (Here), reported on the event for CBS.  Sir Nick offered the following: “We can’t rush him.  I know from personal experience that having an angry woman attack your car with a golf club slows you down for a while.  When my girlfriend attacked my Porsche 959 with a 9 iron, it took me years to get back on form!   But that was a bold move, dropping a million dollar check on the table like it was naught, and I thought “He’s got the old swagger, hasn’t he?” We haven’t seen the last of Tiger—his time is coming soon.  Even though he came up short today, this was a moral victory.”