Brad Tallmadge, of Corbin, Kentucky, is dissatisfied with the outcome of American Express’s “You Decide Your Seatmate” contest. Initiated in 2017, the contest grants two lucky winners per year the opportunity to select a celebrity seatmate who will accompany them on an all-expenses paid weekend trip to the destination of their choice.  Tallmadge, the lucky winner, selected Jesus to be his traveling companion on a trip to Cancun.

According to Tallmadge: “I thought it was a no-brainer to pick Jesus!  Who hasn’t wanted to talk to Jesus?”  But unfortunately, things quickly went awry.  “I thought Jesus was going to be white.  But he is a middle eastern looking guy.  And when we got to the Charlotte airport and entered the TSA precheck line, they took one look at me and this middle eastern guy in a robe and they profiled the shit out of us.  They asked me several times if we were traveling together and I said “no”—but then I remembered that was what Peter did, and I manned up and told them I was rolling with Jesus.”

After exhaustive screening, the pair was allowed to continue on their flight to Cancun.  But on the flight things did not improve.   “Jesus kept speaking to me in some language other than English” said Tallmadge.  “And one of the guys in first class explained to me that Jesus was speaking Aramaic.  But Google translate doesn’t even carry Aramaic!  And he didn’t perform a single miracle during the whole weekend!  The only good thing I can say about the trip is that a lot of women hit on us—Jesus is really big in Mexico.”

Asked if he would choose differently if given a redo, Corbin offered the following: “Yes, if I had it to do all over again I would pick Baby Jesus!  That way you could get all of the good with none of the down side.  But even though it wasn’t the dream trip I planned, I am one of the few people that can say they went to Cancun with Jesus.  Thank you American Express.”