On Thursday, President Trump signed Executive Order 54943 which removes the Star Spangled Banner as the National Anthem and replaces it with Free Bird.
In a press conference in the Oval Office, President Trump explained the impetus behind the change: “The War of 1812 was a small war. We kicked England’s butt, but the war was much smaller than World War I and II. Much smaller. I’ve always thought that the war was too small to be worth a National Anthem. I’ve talked to thousands of people since I became President and they keep telling me they want a better song. And Free Bird is a great song. People love this change.”
President Trump also awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to the surviving members of Lynyrd Skynyrd: “I’m giving this medal to Lynyrd Skynyrd because they are great Americans. But I’m not giving it to the ones who died in the plane crash. But the one’s who survived are great. Far greater than anyone Obama awarded the Medal to.” President Trump also mentioned that the designation of Free Bird as the National Anthem will resolve the recent controversy where some NFL players have chosen to kneel during the National Anthem. “Now that the song is better, I think everyone is going to stand. Who would want to kneel during Free Bird?”
NGEFTO interviewed Cody Lee Sanford of Titusville, Tennessee regarding the change. “I’m freaking pumped.” said Sanford. “This is one of the best things President Trump has done. The old song sucked. You know I love America and I mean I respected the song because it was the National Anthem but as a song it sucked. Now everyone is going to look forward to the National Anthem. It’s going to be the highlight of every event. This bird is free baby!”
NGEFTO has spoken to etiquette expert Geneva Hall regarding the propriety of giving the middle finger during the new National Anthem as is traditional at Lynyrd Skynyrd concerts. According to Hall: “of course it’s okay to give the middle finger during Free Bird—proper etiquette doesn’t mean you throw your common sense out the window. However, your hand should be pointed out, meaning you are giving the finger to our enemies rather than pointed in which, conversely, would mean you were giving the finger to America. It’s really very simple.”