Beto Follows His Vision

Beto Follows His Vision

On Monday, the wildly charismatic Democratic Presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke provided clarifying remarks regarding his earlier statement that he was running for President as a result of his vision.

“When I first announced that I was running for President, I explained that it was a result of my vision.  Unfortunately, many people have misinterpreted my statement and thought I was speaking metaphorically rather than literally.  In 1990 I attended a rave sponsored by my former hacking group, the Cult of the Dead Cow.  After taking two hits of X and eating a mushroom, I had a vision in which I became the President of the United States in 2020.  I am so proud that so many of you have agreed to help me fulfill my vision to become President of the United States in 2020.  I was born to do this and my vision confirms that fact.  We are going to come together as a country and have a lot of fun too.”