On Monday, the Discovery Channel announced the cancelation of its reality television show: “Neil + Daryl, True Love.”
“I’m crushed” announced Miramax Producer, Ian Friedman. “When Neil Young and Daryl Hannah got married, I knew I wanted to bring this love story to television. It was my favorite concept ever and the pilot was perfect. But it just didn’t resonate with our audience. Neil is so burned out and Daryl is so weird, that you just can’t connect with them unless you are French or high. Everything they say is part banal, part performance art and no one can tell the difference. I still have hopes that we can release the show in France but in the American and Canadian markets it’s DOA.”
When asked to comment, Mr. Young offered the following: “Your path and my path are u-turns in a parking lot. Our love is like puke, it’s messy but it feels better when its outside.” Although Ms. Hannah refused to comment, she lit a match and stared intensely at this reporter.
On Monday, the Discovery Channel announced its newest reality series: Rednecks vs. ISIS–Only the Strong Survive. The show starts on August 6, 2018, and will air in the 8:00 p.m. time slot.
In this exciting new series, an ISIS training camp has been established in rural Northern Georgia. The camp, which has been provided to ISIS free of charge, contains 1,000 acres of land, perimeter fencing, living quarters, infrastructure, shooting ranges, power, telephone, internet, and all-terrain vehicles. Sounds like a sweet deal right? However, following their training the ISIS recruits will have to exit the camp and make their way through the local populace in order to return to civilization.
NGEFTO interviewed Cody Lee and KayLee Sanford who live next to the camp. According to Mr. Sanford: “It’s on. It’s on like Donkey Kong, brother. I want to see an ISIS terrorist make it past my house. I’m sighted in and I got night vision out the ying-yang. And that ain’t all–but the rest is need to know. Any terrorist makes it past me is the better man.” Offered the opportunity to comment on this story, ISIS issued the following statement: “Prepare to be defeated. The glory is to the Prophet.”